The Santa Claus Myth is Your Reality

We all love that jolly man in the red suit, the one who, once a year sneaks into our house to leave us presents and eat all of our cookies. He’s just the best right?

Ho, ho, no.

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We teach our children about this myth and then, at some point, youthful innocence is corrupted and we’re turned into non-believers.

But, the truth is Santa is REAL.

Maybe not via the original storyline, but he’s definitely real in real life. According to the latest conspiracy theory, Santa Claus is actually Big Brother.

Think about it.

  1. He sees you when you’re sleeping.
  2. He knows when you’re awake.
  3. He knows when you’ve been bad or good.

Santa Claus has been monitoring us for decades.

Not only that, but there are hundreds of them at malls and shopping centers across the world, spying on your purchases, spying on who you are at your core. Sure, there may not be one patriarchal all-knowing all-seeing Santa Claus, but there are thousands of individuals ones who are working for “the man,” “the man” being the people in charge of keeping us simple consumers.

What does it mean to be bad these days anyway? To not buy, buy, buy, perhaps. (could N’sync’s song actually be about consumerism and not telling someone to go away!?!)

It’s silly to not believe in Santa Claus who is, in reality, Big Brother, who could in fact just be marketers trying to cookie you and overwhelm your social media with ads so you give them your money and then have no money and thus can no longer do the things you really want to do. Continuing to help you hinder your own passions and forgo your dreams.

You could be your own Santa Claus.

I mean, aren’t you the one really eating those cookies anyway?