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What The Conspiracy?!

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What the Conspiracy?! Is THE Conspiracy

 

Conspiracy! What is real, for real though?

Could this website, What the Conspiracy?!, a website dedicated to exposing the TRUTH about our society and all of the FAKE NEWS in it, actually be THE FAKE NEWS?

In a recent turn of events the founder of What the Conspiracy is seriously starting to question if all of the thoughts, research, and discoveries on this website have actually just been made up the entire time.

Even though there have been hours upon hours of investigations and brain power that has gone into the discovery of such things like The Cloud Industrial Complex (which we are no longer allowed to discuss), political conspiracy theories like the government shut down just existing as a distraction from the truth and United States of America current President Donald Trump’s hair actually being an alien all on its own, as well as holiday conspiracy theories such as Valentine’s Day being an invention of Big Pharma, no one here is really sure anymore what’s real and what’s not real.

What is real? What the Conspiracy knows that conspiracies are really just opinions that have not been made popular yet.

The Flat Earthers are popular enough by this point to make everyone else suggest they all go walk off the edge of it. The Illuminati is popular enough that Google always knows when we spell it wrong and automatically corrects it. It’s probably the Illuminati that runs google anyway. That’s a conspiracy theory that the staff at What the Conspiracy has yet to look into, but probably should. Except, the staff at What the Conspiracy is going through a sort of existential crisis and no one here knows who they are anymore.

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Could the staff at What the Conspiracy have been brainwashed by some sort of powerful alien species? Perhaps these aliens came in and whispered “self-doubt” into the What the Conspiracy staff members ears and now everyone here is confused and can’t tell the TRUTH from the LIES.

We have already had our run-ins with conspiracy theory issues in the past. Like the time when the founder of What the Conspiracy was abducted for almost an entire year by members of the Cloud Industrial Complex and thrown into that tornado only to make it out with a warning never to discuss the true facts about the clouds, the water, the ice and everything connected to it all ever again.

We’re technically not even supposed to write “The Cloud Industrial Complex,” on this website anymore, but since we’re not actually writing about what they do and we’re not even saying they exist (even though they clearly do, considering) and we really are just writing the words, ‘The Cloud Industrial Complex,’ we really do not think anyone at What the Conspiracy will get hurt again.

Unless this is all just a set up by whichever alien species came into our office and brainwashed us into writing this article about What the Conspiracy not even being real.

The truth of the matter is that there is no ‘office,’ and the ‘we’ that ‘we’ always speak of here at What the Conspiracy is just one person. A woman if you can believe that. With boobs and everything. Though one time a guy (with very nice arms, mind you) did help her discover the Tom Brady / inner earth alien conspiracy because the woman with boobs doesn’t really follow football or sports of any kind.

Yet, she did look into it more and it seemed legit. Now though, she’s questioning if maybe the guy with very nice arms was distracting her with his nice arms in order to pull one over on her and Tom Brady isn’t an inner earth alien at all but just a dude-bro with ugly shoes.

Regardless of what is real and what is fake, what is a conspiracy theory and what is a factual theory. Regardless of whether this is a one-woman-two boob show or if there is an entire team of freaks and weirdos here, What the Conspiracy will always work to learn more and to tell you all about that it finds even if what it finds could damage its own image, name, brand. Because What the Conspiracy is here. And it’s all we, she, whomever really knows how to do.

Influenza is An Actual Alien

Influenza does more than just make you sick

Many conspiracy theorists out there claim that the Flu Shot is another way Big Pharma manipulates and controls us. Some people believe that the Flu Shot is filled with more than just a vaccine to prevent the so-called “virus” influenza. These people believe that the Flu Shot also contains elements that keep humans docile.

These conspiracy theorists are wrong.

The people who believe this theory think that because the people getting the flu shot are typically middle to upper class white basic bitches and chads. AKA people who have always conformed because that’s all they know how to do.

The truth of the matter is that Influenza is itself an actual alien.

It feeds off the minor miseries and slight sufferings of people.

The influenza alien lives for three days to two weeks within one host, making the host experience the feeling any host feels when someone tries to take over its body (headaches, chills, fatigue etc). The influenza alien reproduces when the host’s bodily fluids mix with the next host’s bodily fluids (often in the form of spit).

The influenza alien does not like to live within one host for too long. It gets bored. That’s why it typically jumps overboard to the next one, spreading itself around, enjoying its time making humans feel like shit.

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One conspiracy theorist we talked to claims that the Illuminati sent the influenza alien here as a test to see if humans could handle living on other planets with other aliens who could potentially be fatal to us.

Turns out we can’t.

At least not very well.

Another conspiracy theorist thinks that the influenza alien snuck on a spaceship when the Tall Whites stopped at a filling station on their way to planet Earth.

“Well, I wouldn’t say the influenza alien ‘snuck on’ so much as got stuck to the bottom of one of the Tall White’s foot while he was like, in the restroom or whatever. Sort of like when we step in a piece of gum and carry it with us for the rest of the time we have the shoes. Little strands of the gum dry and fall off. Kind of like that.” -anonymous conspiracy theorist source mumbled over the phone.

The main reason the influenza alien has been able to live on this planet for so long as an alien is because people can’t grasp the idea that an alien doesn’t have to look like a tall big-headed bald dude with big fly-eyes. People have a hard time believing that something not from this planet could actually be very tiny, not seen by human eye, it may, in fact, be many parts that make up a whole. It may even disguise itself as a virus to continue to go on living in its hosts.

What better camouflage than pretending to be something you’re not in order to not get killed? It’s brilliant really, scientists will keep trying to figure out how to destroy the virus when really they should be focusing on how to kill the alien. Some may be yelling right now, “what’s the difference?!” And we’d say to them that the difference is in the word choice, and the words that are chosen mean different things.

If you have the influenza alien inside of you, the only thing you can really do is hide in your bed for three days to two weeks until it goes away–and of course, drink plenty of fluids–the influenza alien has been known to hate orange juice and the blue color of Gatorade.

Conspiracy Revealed: Groundhog Day No Longer Using Real Groundhogs to Determine Weather

Since the 1800s, Groundhog Day has been a North American tradition. Every year on February 2 a Groundhog comes out of its hole after a long winter sleep and looks for its shadow. If the groundhog sees its shadow it decides to return to its nice comfortable bed for the next six weeks because winter isn’t quite over; if it doesn’t see its shadow that means spring is on the way and it’s time to get out of bed and experience the beauty of the natural world.

But, a recent conspiracy theory suggests that for the past year, ever since President (and Illuminati member) Donald Trump was elected office, the groundhogs have been experiencing major to severe clinical depression.

Though the groundhogs know they’re supposed to get out of their hole, all of them have elected to just pass by the entire year and stay deep in their dark holes aka in their beds regardless of whether spring comes or not.

Conspiracy theorists are suggesting that if you’re at one of the hundreds of Groundhog Day celebrations across the country, whether it’s the largest Groundhog Day celebration held in Punxsutawney, Pennsylvania, where crowds as large as 40,000 gather each year or one of the smaller small town Groundhog day events, those groundhogs you see are not real.

That’s right. The groundhog that you see, is no groundhog at all.

Since all the groundhogs are too depressed to get out of their holes to see if it’s winter or spring, as it doesn’t matter to them whether it’s winter or spring because life sucks anyway, the groundhogs you’re seeing either in real life or on the mainstream media are in fact either robot groundhogs or burrower alien shape-shifter groundhogs.

These fake groundhogs only exist because the mainstream media doesn’t want the human population of people to get depressed over the fact that all the groundhogs are clinically depressed because that would cause way too much depression–and there isn’t enough Prozac in the world to go around (big Pharm may disagree, but that’s another theory for another day).

And so, hundreds of robot groundhogs have been built and where the robots can’t go the burrower alien shape-shifters shapeshift into groundhogs to take their place for the day–all in an attempt to cover-up the major groundhog depression plaguing the planet and allow humans to carry on–whether it’s 6 more weeks of winter or not.

Time, It’s Not On Your Side.

Time.

It’s not on your side.

Or mine.

It’s been almost a year since my last blog and it’s not that I didn’t want to, it’s that I couldn’t. Turns out that the Cloud Industrial Complex got wind of my theories involving their hold on our society and decided to try to blow me over. I was held captive in the eye of a tornado for several months, only eating and drinking the things I could catch flying by. It swept me almost all the way across the United States dropping me off on top of the Appalachian mountains where I had to hike through multiple climates and terrains just to make it back into civilization.

Once I returned, a gray cloud appeared and started following me everywhere I went.

Anytime I would get online it would send a lightning bolt through my electric outlets and shut off my power before I could post anything that was happening to me.

The thing about air is it’s everywhere and the air and the clouds are like BFFs. I had to convince the air that I would only say good things about it, like how it helps us breathe etc. which it does. The air is great. Air is one of my favorite things. Air keeps us alive.

No, I haven’t been bought out. Or have I? It’s hard to tell anymore.
The thing about time is that even though I’ve been away for a year, I can pick back right where I left off and no one will be the wiser. Mostly because no one has fallen onto this website yet and thus has no idea what’s actually going on in our world.

But I know because of how time works that if I wait long enough everything will unravel just as it should. And if it doesn’t it won’t matter because eventually time will kill me, and you, and everyone we know. It’s honestly more dangerous than the Cloud Industrial Complex.

I’ll fill you in as it tick-tocks forward; in the meantime, be aware, time doesn’t move in a straight line like we were taught to believe, it’s all around us, forward, backward, upside down.

Stay-tuned.

I’m back for good and ready to fill you in on all that’s really happening out there from the air, to the clouds, to the sand in the hourglass.

Windshield Wiper Sadists

Windshield wiper manufacturers into extreme BDSM?

More from the Cloud Industrial Complex

After my first video came out regarding the Cloud Industrial Complex I was contacted by a person who prefers to remain anonymous. This person has confirmed that windshield wiper manufacturers do indeed design the driver’s side wiper to have a slight malfunction in order to smear right in front of the driver’s line of vision.

This anonymous source said:

Of course there’s the profit increase the companies gain, but the main motivation behind this gross and disturbing malfunction is that the people in charge are all sadists.

My source continued to explain that these sadists get their pleasure by inflicting frustration, irritation, and anxiety onto others. And most of all, they enjoy making the roads less safe for travelers.

Though my source was pretty nervous about coming to me with this information, the source, like so many of us drivers is tired of the smudges and wants them to stop.

The Cloud Industrial Complex is so large and complicated, but if we slowly disclose this information we can surely be free from what binds us to this earth.

These clouds want to keep raining down on us, it is big business for them after all. Plus, they get to take up all that real estate in the sky.

But, we should ask ourselves, do they really deserve to?

These sadists should not be allowed to work on any part of a vehicle and yet the Cloud Industrial Complex hires these windshield wiper sociopaths specifically to torture humanity in just a slightly irritating yet totally dangerous way.

Sure, not every person at the windshield wiper factory is a monster or even a sadist, but they only need ONE to cause this smear malfunction on all of the windshield wipers. One adjustment to the design mold and everything changes. The windshield goes from clear brilliant glass to smudged white streaks right in front of the driver’s line of sight. We will not even get into the type of pleasure these sadists experience when a bug smashes into the glass and parts of its completely wrecked body oozes out all over the windshield (we’ll only say it’s the type of pleasure one might feel while rolling on E and also having an intense full-body orgasm at the same time).

Nevertheless, there is very little any of us can do about these windshield wiper sadists. We can’t very well boycott windshield wipers. We still have places to go when it rains, which the Cloud Industrial Complex certainly is aware of. This is one reason why water gushes from the sky at often the most inconvenient of times, like at weddings and funerals, and the one day you get off work and try to go to the amusement park. The Cloud Industrial Complex gets off from your misery. Just like the windshield wiper sadists get off on your lack of visibility while driving in the rain.

The Real Fake Truth Behind the Cloud Industrial Complex

Only Happy When it Rains? Garbage!

Uncovering the Cloud Industrial Complex

I remember the first time I ever heard that the human body was made almost entirely of water. I was in 5th-grade science and we were covering biology. We had recently finished our study of photosynthesis and the concept of plant cells, which seemed pretty bogus too, in my opinion. Then our teacher said something crazy, she claimed that the body consisted of over 60% water. Water?! I couldn’t believe it.

I still don’t believe it. To this day, I am convinced that it’s a conspiracy formed by the clouds so they can just keep raining down on us, what I like to term The Cloud Industrial Complex.

Pretty sure the umbrella industry has something to do it with it too, but there hasn’t been any solid proof on that one yet.

You’ll die within three days of not drinking water? Hogwash.

The only good thing that’s come out of water is beer. I try to not even take showers because that’s a by-product of the cloud industry complex, and do we really even need to smell like flowers when we’re human beings who should smell like the mammals that we are?

Or maybe we aren’t mammals, but that’s a conspiracy for another day.

cloud industrial complex
The Cloud Industrial Complex… is it real?

I mean, just look at that? Is that something you really think is INSIDE of you?

The Cloud Industrial Complex has infiltrated nearly every molecule on earth. Think about it, what doesn’t host water in some shape or form? It’s everywhere. It fills our lakes and ponds and oceans. It comes out of our showers and sinks. It will even push itself through a long green snake looking hose so you can fill your plants and grass with its liquidy goo. What is the motivation of the Cloud Industrial Complex anyway? Does it really come down to just wanting to help the earth Thrive? Or could it be a setup for the greedy agricultural industry to make more money? Big Ag behind the clouds? How interconnected are all of these organizations anyway?

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