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Holiday Conspiracies

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Help The Real Fake News Continue

A few months ago I quit my corporate “mindful” job to focus my time on investigating the real fake news. I’ve had plenty of adventures along the way. Like, being swept up in a tornado by the Cloud Industrial Complex or discovering Tom Brady is actually an inner earth alien and exposing the real fake truth to the world.

That’s the thing. I’m here to get you the news you didn’t even know was news. The news so fake you couldn’t even think that someone had the ability to come up with this stuff. But they did. Because they’re weird. And the only thing they’re really good at is being weird and making fun of stuff.

But What the Conspiracy?! needs your help. The person who researches and reveals all the conspiracies (aka me) needs money to continue doing such things.

What will the money be used for?

  1. Upgrade The Website to be SEO Friendly ($200 a year)
  2. Market the Website to Like-minded Individuals ($1,000,000,000 aka As much as I can get)
  3. Upgrade video and editing equipment ($3,000+)

What are What the Conspiracy?!’s goals?

  • To get the REAL FAKE NEWS out to as many people as possible
  • To publish at least one new story + video a week
  • To continue digging deeper into the real fake truth
  • To see an alien at least once
  • To get the real illuminati to stand up
  • To be The Onion of Conspiracy Theories

Yes. I know many of you think that someone writing the real fake news on the internet probably lives in his basement with his mommy. But, the only truth that is the actual truth on What the Conspiracy is that I am actually a woman, a woman with two boobs. And I live in a house. With roommates (who also have boobs). I want to continue living in this house with my two boobs and my two roommates with boobs and not have to turn into a fat turd of a dude and move into my parent’s basement. So please, if you want to see the real fake news continue, donate to the cause today.

Check out my Go Fund Me By CLICKING HERE!

Send Donations through Venmo @Krystal-Fawn
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What the Conspiracy?! Is THE Conspiracy

 

Conspiracy! What is real, for real though?

Could this website, What the Conspiracy?!, a website dedicated to exposing the TRUTH about our society and all of the FAKE NEWS in it, actually be THE FAKE NEWS?

In a recent turn of events the founder of What the Conspiracy is seriously starting to question if all of the thoughts, research, and discoveries on this website have actually just been made up the entire time.

Even though there have been hours upon hours of investigations and brain power that has gone into the discovery of such things like The Cloud Industrial Complex (which we are no longer allowed to discuss), political conspiracy theories like the government shut down just existing as a distraction from the truth and United States of America current President Donald Trump’s hair actually being an alien all on its own, as well as holiday conspiracy theories such as Valentine’s Day being an invention of Big Pharma, no one here is really sure anymore what’s real and what’s not real.

What is real? What the Conspiracy knows that conspiracies are really just opinions that have not been made popular yet.

The Flat Earthers are popular enough by this point to make everyone else suggest they all go walk off the edge of it. The Illuminati is popular enough that Google always knows when we spell it wrong and automatically corrects it. It’s probably the Illuminati that runs google anyway. That’s a conspiracy theory that the staff at What the Conspiracy has yet to look into, but probably should. Except, the staff at What the Conspiracy is going through a sort of existential crisis and no one here knows who they are anymore.

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Could the staff at What the Conspiracy have been brainwashed by some sort of powerful alien species? Perhaps these aliens came in and whispered “self-doubt” into the What the Conspiracy staff members ears and now everyone here is confused and can’t tell the TRUTH from the LIES.

We have already had our run-ins with conspiracy theory issues in the past. Like the time when the founder of What the Conspiracy was abducted for almost an entire year by members of the Cloud Industrial Complex and thrown into that tornado only to make it out with a warning never to discuss the true facts about the clouds, the water, the ice and everything connected to it all ever again.

We’re technically not even supposed to write “The Cloud Industrial Complex,” on this website anymore, but since we’re not actually writing about what they do and we’re not even saying they exist (even though they clearly do, considering) and we really are just writing the words, ‘The Cloud Industrial Complex,’ we really do not think anyone at What the Conspiracy will get hurt again.

Unless this is all just a set up by whichever alien species came into our office and brainwashed us into writing this article about What the Conspiracy not even being real.

The truth of the matter is that there is no ‘office,’ and the ‘we’ that ‘we’ always speak of here at What the Conspiracy is just one person. A woman if you can believe that. With boobs and everything. Though one time a guy (with very nice arms, mind you) did help her discover the Tom Brady / inner earth alien conspiracy because the woman with boobs doesn’t really follow football or sports of any kind.

Yet, she did look into it more and it seemed legit. Now though, she’s questioning if maybe the guy with very nice arms was distracting her with his nice arms in order to pull one over on her and Tom Brady isn’t an inner earth alien at all but just a dude-bro with ugly shoes.

Regardless of what is real and what is fake, what is a conspiracy theory and what is a factual theory. Regardless of whether this is a one-woman-two boob show or if there is an entire team of freaks and weirdos here, What the Conspiracy will always work to learn more and to tell you all about that it finds even if what it finds could damage its own image, name, brand. Because What the Conspiracy is here. And it’s all we, she, whomever really knows how to do.

The REAL Truth Behind Valentine’s Day

Big Pharma, Valentine’s Day, LOVE

For decades people have complained about the commercialization of Valentine’s Day. Many conspiracy theorists and angsty teenagers have made claims that the holiday was created as a way for Hallmark to make money.

But what if Hallmark has always been just a scapegoat?

Do people really think Hallmark is making that much bank selling thick paper that folds in half with sappy writings on it?

Please.

Sure, maybe the chocolate and flower companies are making an extra mil or two, but even that’s nothing in comparison to the true culprit behind this holiday.

Take a moment and really think about who could benefit from a massive celebration of love.

It could only be one thing.

That’s right. Big Pharma.

What The Conspiracy has uncovered the truth!

When people express their love they have sex.

Some heterosexual people are responsible when they have sex and they use birth control. According to the CDC, 62% of women of reproductive age are currently using contraception (and this was a study in 2012, mind you). 28% of those women are on the pill. That’s 10.6 million women on the pill. If it costs women between $160-$600 every year that means Big Pharma makes a ridiculous amount of money from that alone.

But it’s not that alone.

If 62% of women of reproductive age use contraception that means 38% do not. You know how Big Pharma makes the most money? From people.

If people express their love with sex on a holiday that was designed specifically for people to do just that, that means that there’s a pretty good chance that a bunch of heterosexual women are going to end up pregnant! This means there will be even more people in the world who can be convinced they need to take Big Pharma pills.

Love = Sex = More People.

More People = More Pills = More Money.

Greeting cards?

Please.

This is not about greeting cards.

The greeting cards, the chocolate, the wine, the dinner reservations, these are all just elements that go into a much bigger conspiracy.

Big Pharma wants you to “fall in love,” because they want you to have sex. They want you to have sex so you will have babies. These babies will then need Prozac because they have to live with you (and you’ll need it if you’re living with a baby).

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So, Big Pharma is the one who has been behind Valentine’s Day all along (maybe not ALL along, but since it became popular again in mainstream culture).

Also, Rom-Coms and the Kardashians. Because when there’s an impossible standard for both love and beauty most people make themselves sick over it until they need medication to overcome the trauma of not being good enough.

Conspiracy Revealed: Groundhog Day No Longer Using Real Groundhogs to Determine Weather

Since the 1800s, Groundhog Day has been a North American tradition. Every year on February 2 a Groundhog comes out of its hole after a long winter sleep and looks for its shadow. If the groundhog sees its shadow it decides to return to its nice comfortable bed for the next six weeks because winter isn’t quite over; if it doesn’t see its shadow that means spring is on the way and it’s time to get out of bed and experience the beauty of the natural world.

But, a recent conspiracy theory suggests that for the past year, ever since President (and Illuminati member) Donald Trump was elected office, the groundhogs have been experiencing major to severe clinical depression.

Though the groundhogs know they’re supposed to get out of their hole, all of them have elected to just pass by the entire year and stay deep in their dark holes aka in their beds regardless of whether spring comes or not.

Conspiracy theorists are suggesting that if you’re at one of the hundreds of Groundhog Day celebrations across the country, whether it’s the largest Groundhog Day celebration held in Punxsutawney, Pennsylvania, where crowds as large as 40,000 gather each year or one of the smaller small town Groundhog day events, those groundhogs you see are not real.

That’s right. The groundhog that you see, is no groundhog at all.

Since all the groundhogs are too depressed to get out of their holes to see if it’s winter or spring, as it doesn’t matter to them whether it’s winter or spring because life sucks anyway, the groundhogs you’re seeing either in real life or on the mainstream media are in fact either robot groundhogs or burrower alien shape-shifter groundhogs.

These fake groundhogs only exist because the mainstream media doesn’t want the human population of people to get depressed over the fact that all the groundhogs are clinically depressed because that would cause way too much depression–and there isn’t enough Prozac in the world to go around (big Pharm may disagree, but that’s another theory for another day).

And so, hundreds of robot groundhogs have been built and where the robots can’t go the burrower alien shape-shifters shapeshift into groundhogs to take their place for the day–all in an attempt to cover-up the major groundhog depression plaguing the planet and allow humans to carry on–whether it’s 6 more weeks of winter or not.

Santa Claus, Big Brother, & You

The Santa Claus Myth is Your Reality

We all love that jolly man in the red suit, the one who, once a year sneaks into our house to leave us presents and eat all of our cookies. He’s just the best right?

Ho, ho, no.

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We teach our children about this myth and then, at some point, youthful innocence is corrupted and we’re turned into non-believers.

But, the truth is Santa is REAL.

Maybe not via the original storyline, but he’s definitely real in real life. According to the latest conspiracy theory, Santa Claus is actually Big Brother.

Think about it.

  1. He sees you when you’re sleeping.
  2. He knows when you’re awake.
  3. He knows when you’ve been bad or good.

Santa Claus has been monitoring us for decades.

Not only that, but there are hundreds of them at malls and shopping centers across the world, spying on your purchases, spying on who you are at your core. Sure, there may not be one patriarchal all-knowing all-seeing Santa Claus, but there are thousands of individuals ones who are working for “the man,” “the man” being the people in charge of keeping us simple consumers.

What does it mean to be bad these days anyway? To not buy, buy, buy, perhaps. (could N’sync’s song actually be about consumerism and not telling someone to go away!?!)

It’s silly to not believe in Santa Claus who is, in reality, Big Brother, who could in fact just be marketers trying to cookie you and overwhelm your social media with ads so you give them your money and then have no money and thus can no longer do the things you really want to do. Continuing to help you hinder your own passions and forgo your dreams.

You could be your own Santa Claus.

I mean, aren’t you the one really eating those cookies anyway?

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