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Laurel or Yanny? Either Way, It’s a Trap!

Laurel.

Yanny.

It’s just a way to get into your brain, kids.

The crowds of people all over the internet are yet again fighting over something that seems rather trivial. This time around it is not the color of a dress (that dress was white and gold, you fuckers), but instead, the trivial debate is all about what a person hears.

In this short sound bite, a person can supposedly hear either the word Laurel or the word Yanny. People are getting real heated up about which is true.

The truth of the matter is that they are both true. Depending on your ears and your bass you will hear one or the other. That’s not the actual issue.

The issue is that anyone who listens to this sound bite immediately becomes brainwashed by the Cloud Industrial Complex or the Illuminati or the Lizard People.

We’re not quite sure which power group has control over this mind control but we KNOW it’s not just a bit of trivial internet buzz. This short sound bite could have major repercussions on our entire planet.

If you’ve listened to it, you’re already fucked. Soon your brain will start deteriorating and you will somehow find your way back to the internet where you will let everyone else know whether you heard Laurel or Yanny, as if anyone else gives a fuck.

If you heard Laurel, you’re fucked.

If you heard Yanny, you’re fucked.

Because guess what?!!? It was all just a set up to fuck you.

Congrats for being the millionth person to turn into yet another internet robot cyborg sheep zombie. You’re not part of the Cloud Industrial Complex Illuminati Lizard People, oh no, they’d never let you in. Nope, instead they are inside YOU and are controlling your every thought, move, desire, need, want, etc.

It’s okay in a way, because now you can blame all of your actions and mistakes on the Cloud Industrial Complex Illuminati Lizard People. They’ll never forgive you like Jesus would though, just remember that. Amen.

Kanye West Wears MAGA Hat As Part of Initiation into The Illuminati

Kanye West Attempts to Make America Great Again Just to Get Into Secret Society

Kanye West is back at it again and people are horrified.

maga hat is fire
This hat is proof that the Illuminati loves fucking with people

Recently West was caught sporting a Make America Great Again hat. MAGA is the infamous slogan from the Trump campaign that has been gracing the front of bright red trucker hats for a couple of years now. West said on his twitter:

“You don’t have to agree with trump but the mob can’t make me not love him. We are both dragon energy. He is my brother. I love everyone. I don’t agree with everything anyone does. That’s what makes us individuals. And we have the right to independent thought.”

Theories are blasting in across the internet. People are losing their shit. Some theorist claim West is doing this for publicity. Some claim he’s just a narcissistic sociopath, but here at What the Conspiracy we KNOW that even if both of those things are true, there’s a bigger truth out there.

Kanye West is in his final initiation in an attempt to join forces with the Illuminati.

If you’re unfamiliar the Illuminati is a “secret society” (that everyone knows about), a society that claims to have the actual control over our planet.

As any real conspiracy theorist knows the Illuminati is just a smokescreen for the REAL social orders that run our Earth.

Why Kanye is SO obsessed with becoming a part of it is beyond anyone here at WTC’s knowledge base.

Yet. It’s clear that he’s been trying WAY too hard for WAY too long. Remember that whole Taylor Swift thing? That was part of the Illuminati initiation test. And marrying a Kardashian? Also part of it.

He has hundreds of tweets that go on and on about loving each other.

love conquers fear west tweets
Love is the most powerful force in the universe?

Could it be that he’s trying to get the world to get along by becoming the scapegoat? The most hated black man alive? And all because he admits to being alright with Donald Trump; a xenophobic homophobic sexist racist white-power lizard-person who happens to be the president of the United States of America?

Could West be saying that we should love our enemies?

If the Illuminati can love the hollow-earth lizard-people shouldn’t we as humans be able to get along a little bit better?

OR

Kanye West is a lizard-person too. He does admit to possessing dragon energy. And we all know lizard people are cousins with dragons.

Here at What the Conspiracy we find the Illuminati’s initiation game to be quite the entertaining show. They really know how to torture a guy. They are basically like frat bros but for the whole earth, not just some stupid college.

One of the best parts about this whole storyline is that the Illuminati let so many other people in so fast, but not Kanye. No, for some reason they just LOVE to see him act out. It’s like, he’s their little puppet and they’re making him do all sorts of fucked up shit just because they’re bored.

We love that you’re preaching the love Kanye, but red trucker hats aren’t really your best style. Also. Most people don’t get the nuances or concept of “loving thy neighbor,” (particularly when it comes to loving someone who only loves himself and literally HATES everyone and everything else).

But perhaps that’s why you show your love to the Trump. You recognize a part of yourself in him; that is what most religions from this planet try to get their constituents to do and you’ve done it, even if its caused everyone else to hate you.

Maybe the Illuminati will finally let you in after all.

But probably not. They’re pretty big dickfaces and want to make sure you’re going to be one too (you are well on your way though, we’ll give you that).

Featured post

Alien Advice: Ex Texts, Tinder, and Bitches

Advice from an alien who knows humans best

Allie our resident alien ally answers humanity’s most pressing questions regarding love, loss, and life beyond this world.

Dear Allie the Alien,

Recently my ex-girlfriend sent me what I thought was a drunk text. Basically, it said, “I miss you. I want you back, you stupid fuck face.” I ignored it as any mature ex-boyfriend would do, but the next day she fires another one back. This time she texted, “Disregard earlier message. Aliens abducted my phone.”

The thing is, she has been abducted at least once when she was a child. At least according to her mother. So, could this text be true? Could aliens have taken her phone? Or is this just another one of her many many lies like the time she told me she could tie a cherry stem with her tongue and then just spit pieces of red sticky fruit at me??!

Sincerely,
Sick-of-Her-Shit-Steve

Dear Shit-Steve,

First off, Steve, my name is Allie the Alien. Not Allie the Able-Bodied Detective. Since I do not have access to either phone or any other information regarding your past relationship it would be hard for me to conclude one way or the other. I’ll try my best here though. As you are aware from coming to the What the Conspiracy website at least once in your life, there are many many species of aliens.

There are tall aliens. Short aliens. Aliens that humans can’t see with their own eyes. Aliens that can read people’s minds. Aliens that can invade human bodies and take over their lives. Aliens that eat baby giraffes.

And of course cellphone aliens.

These are aliens that feed off the misery of miscommunicated or badly communicated text messages. Basically, anytime someone ghosts someone, texts something shady, rude, or just the letter, ‘k,’ and of course, any time a dick pic crosses from one phone to the next, these cellphone aliens eat that shit up. They thrive on it.

alien text
Ex text or alien text?

Cellphone aliens typically do not send the texts themselves though. And the message: “I miss you. I want you back, you stupid fuck face.” Doesn’t sound like language this subsect of aliens ever uses. I don’t want to call her ex-girlfriend a liar, but if she’s the type of person who spits “pieces of red sticky fruit” at her boyfriend then I wouldn’t put it past her to conclude that she made the alien thing up because she was embarrassed that she showed her vulnerability to you in a text slip up while she was under the influence of alcohol. Of course, maybe she wasn’t intoxicated, even if she were, intoxication is often used as an excuse to justify behavior the person truly wanted to do to begin with.

I’d say she misses her stupid shit-steve fuck face. This has nothing to do with aliens. Except for the cellphone aliens that are getting mad-fat from your terrible communication exchange.

I’d suggest if you’re sick of her shit then you should block her number and delete her from all your social media. If you are only pretending to be sick of her shit because you know she’s crazy but you still want to be with her, maybe just text her and get back together? As an alien, I don’t really care what humans do with their genitals and/or lives, but this is a paying gig so here I am answering your stupid ass questions. Good luck out there Shit-Steve, whichever way you decide to go.

Yours,
AA

Yo Allie the Alien,

Why are all the bitches on tinder so boring?!?!

-Out-of-Boinks-in-the-Burbs

Dear Boink-less

Hmm. Perhaps they’re “boring,” because you call them bitches? As an alien I can tell you most certainly that humans get what they put out into the world. Yes. I’m talking energy-wise. So, if you’re calling bitches ‘bitches’ than you’re probably also a bitch. And if you think these bitches are boring then maybe you’re just projecting your own boringness onto them?!?!

boring tinder dates
Boring Tinder Bitch or Badass Bitch?

If we stop for a moment to disregard your terrible phrasing and look at this as a real question then I’d have to say that maybe you should reevaluate what you’re looking for and where you’re looking for it? What the Conspiracy did an investigative article into Tinder just months ago and concluded that Tinder is turning people into Trash. Like, literal trash. I don’t know about you, but trash doesn’t possess much entertainment value, nor is it something you’d want to stick your dick into… (or into you if you’re female).

The thing is if you think someone is boring try asking different questions. It could be that they need a specific topic in order to come to life. If this doesn’t work, drop them. Quickly. Move away as fast as you can and then continue searching because the weirdos and freaks, the artists and creatives, the people who can truly arouse you physically and mentally, they do exist. Don’t expect them to all be on Tinder though. Again, Tinder is a proven trash factory.

Yours,
AA

What The Conspiracy Needs Your Help! Save The Real Fake News

Help The Real Fake News Continue

A few months ago I quit my corporate “mindful” job to focus my time on investigating the real fake news. I’ve had plenty of adventures along the way. Like, being swept up in a tornado by the Cloud Industrial Complex or discovering Tom Brady is actually an inner earth alien and exposing the real fake truth to the world.

That’s the thing. I’m here to get you the news you didn’t even know was news. The news so fake you couldn’t even think that someone had the ability to come up with this stuff. But they did. Because they’re weird. And the only thing they’re really good at is being weird and making fun of stuff.

But What the Conspiracy?! needs your help. The person who researches and reveals all the conspiracies (aka me) needs money to continue doing such things.

What will the money be used for?

  1. Upgrade The Website to be SEO Friendly ($200 a year)
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What are What the Conspiracy?!’s goals?

  • To get the REAL FAKE NEWS out to as many people as possible
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  • To get the real illuminati to stand up
  • To be The Onion of Conspiracy Theories

Yes. I know many of you think that someone writing the real fake news on the internet probably lives in his basement with his mommy. But, the only truth that is the actual truth on What the Conspiracy is that I am actually a woman, a woman with two boobs. And I live in a house. With roommates (who also have boobs). I want to continue living in this house with my two boobs and my two roommates with boobs and not have to turn into a fat turd of a dude and move into my parent’s basement. So please, if you want to see the real fake news continue, donate to the cause today.

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go_fund_me_WTC

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What the Conspiracy?! Is THE Conspiracy

 

Conspiracy! What is real, for real though?

Could this website, What the Conspiracy?!, a website dedicated to exposing the TRUTH about our society and all of the FAKE NEWS in it, actually be THE FAKE NEWS?

In a recent turn of events the founder of What the Conspiracy is seriously starting to question if all of the thoughts, research, and discoveries on this website have actually just been made up the entire time.

Even though there have been hours upon hours of investigations and brain power that has gone into the discovery of such things like The Cloud Industrial Complex (which we are no longer allowed to discuss), political conspiracy theories like the government shut down just existing as a distraction from the truth and United States of America current President Donald Trump’s hair actually being an alien all on its own, as well as holiday conspiracy theories such as Valentine’s Day being an invention of Big Pharma, no one here is really sure anymore what’s real and what’s not real.

What is real? What the Conspiracy knows that conspiracies are really just opinions that have not been made popular yet.

The Flat Earthers are popular enough by this point to make everyone else suggest they all go walk off the edge of it. The Illuminati is popular enough that Google always knows when we spell it wrong and automatically corrects it. It’s probably the Illuminati that runs google anyway. That’s a conspiracy theory that the staff at What the Conspiracy has yet to look into, but probably should. Except, the staff at What the Conspiracy is going through a sort of existential crisis and no one here knows who they are anymore.

what_the_conspiracy33

Could the staff at What the Conspiracy have been brainwashed by some sort of powerful alien species? Perhaps these aliens came in and whispered “self-doubt” into the What the Conspiracy staff members ears and now everyone here is confused and can’t tell the TRUTH from the LIES.

We have already had our run-ins with conspiracy theory issues in the past. Like the time when the founder of What the Conspiracy was abducted for almost an entire year by members of the Cloud Industrial Complex and thrown into that tornado only to make it out with a warning never to discuss the true facts about the clouds, the water, the ice and everything connected to it all ever again.

We’re technically not even supposed to write “The Cloud Industrial Complex,” on this website anymore, but since we’re not actually writing about what they do and we’re not even saying they exist (even though they clearly do, considering) and we really are just writing the words, ‘The Cloud Industrial Complex,’ we really do not think anyone at What the Conspiracy will get hurt again.

Unless this is all just a set up by whichever alien species came into our office and brainwashed us into writing this article about What the Conspiracy not even being real.

The truth of the matter is that there is no ‘office,’ and the ‘we’ that ‘we’ always speak of here at What the Conspiracy is just one person. A woman if you can believe that. With boobs and everything. Though one time a guy (with very nice arms, mind you) did help her discover the Tom Brady / inner earth alien conspiracy because the woman with boobs doesn’t really follow football or sports of any kind.

Yet, she did look into it more and it seemed legit. Now though, she’s questioning if maybe the guy with very nice arms was distracting her with his nice arms in order to pull one over on her and Tom Brady isn’t an inner earth alien at all but just a dude-bro with ugly shoes.

Regardless of what is real and what is fake, what is a conspiracy theory and what is a factual theory. Regardless of whether this is a one-woman-two boob show or if there is an entire team of freaks and weirdos here, What the Conspiracy will always work to learn more and to tell you all about that it finds even if what it finds could damage its own image, name, brand. Because What the Conspiracy is here. And it’s all we, she, whomever really knows how to do.

The REAL Truth Behind Valentine’s Day

Big Pharma, Valentine’s Day, LOVE

For decades people have complained about the commercialization of Valentine’s Day. Many conspiracy theorists and angsty teenagers have made claims that the holiday was created as a way for Hallmark to make money.

But what if Hallmark has always been just a scapegoat?

Do people really think Hallmark is making that much bank selling thick paper that folds in half with sappy writings on it?

Please.

Sure, maybe the chocolate and flower companies are making an extra mil or two, but even that’s nothing in comparison to the true culprit behind this holiday.

Take a moment and really think about who could benefit from a massive celebration of love.

It could only be one thing.

That’s right. Big Pharma.

What The Conspiracy has uncovered the truth!

When people express their love they have sex.

Some heterosexual people are responsible when they have sex and they use birth control. According to the CDC, 62% of women of reproductive age are currently using contraception (and this was a study in 2012, mind you). 28% of those women are on the pill. That’s 10.6 million women on the pill. If it costs women between $160-$600 every year that means Big Pharma makes a ridiculous amount of money from that alone.

But it’s not that alone.

If 62% of women of reproductive age use contraception that means 38% do not. You know how Big Pharma makes the most money? From people.

If people express their love with sex on a holiday that was designed specifically for people to do just that, that means that there’s a pretty good chance that a bunch of heterosexual women are going to end up pregnant! This means there will be even more people in the world who can be convinced they need to take Big Pharma pills.

Love = Sex = More People.

More People = More Pills = More Money.

Greeting cards?

Please.

This is not about greeting cards.

The greeting cards, the chocolate, the wine, the dinner reservations, these are all just elements that go into a much bigger conspiracy.

Big Pharma wants you to “fall in love,” because they want you to have sex. They want you to have sex so you will have babies. These babies will then need Prozac because they have to live with you (and you’ll need it if you’re living with a baby).

pregnant_WTC

So, Big Pharma is the one who has been behind Valentine’s Day all along (maybe not ALL along, but since it became popular again in mainstream culture).

Also, Rom-Coms and the Kardashians. Because when there’s an impossible standard for both love and beauty most people make themselves sick over it until they need medication to overcome the trauma of not being good enough.

Influenza is An Actual Alien

Influenza does more than just make you sick

Many conspiracy theorists out there claim that the Flu Shot is another way Big Pharma manipulates and controls us. Some people believe that the Flu Shot is filled with more than just a vaccine to prevent the so-called “virus” influenza. These people believe that the Flu Shot also contains elements that keep humans docile.

These conspiracy theorists are wrong.

The people who believe this theory think that because the people getting the flu shot are typically middle to upper class white basic bitches and chads. AKA people who have always conformed because that’s all they know how to do.

The truth of the matter is that Influenza is itself an actual alien.

It feeds off the minor miseries and slight sufferings of people.

The influenza alien lives for three days to two weeks within one host, making the host experience the feeling any host feels when someone tries to take over its body (headaches, chills, fatigue etc). The influenza alien reproduces when the host’s bodily fluids mix with the next host’s bodily fluids (often in the form of spit).

The influenza alien does not like to live within one host for too long. It gets bored. That’s why it typically jumps overboard to the next one, spreading itself around, enjoying its time making humans feel like shit.

influenza_alien

One conspiracy theorist we talked to claims that the Illuminati sent the influenza alien here as a test to see if humans could handle living on other planets with other aliens who could potentially be fatal to us.

Turns out we can’t.

At least not very well.

Another conspiracy theorist thinks that the influenza alien snuck on a spaceship when the Tall Whites stopped at a filling station on their way to planet Earth.

“Well, I wouldn’t say the influenza alien ‘snuck on’ so much as got stuck to the bottom of one of the Tall White’s foot while he was like, in the restroom or whatever. Sort of like when we step in a piece of gum and carry it with us for the rest of the time we have the shoes. Little strands of the gum dry and fall off. Kind of like that.” -anonymous conspiracy theorist source mumbled over the phone.

The main reason the influenza alien has been able to live on this planet for so long as an alien is because people can’t grasp the idea that an alien doesn’t have to look like a tall big-headed bald dude with big fly-eyes. People have a hard time believing that something not from this planet could actually be very tiny, not seen by human eye, it may, in fact, be many parts that make up a whole. It may even disguise itself as a virus to continue to go on living in its hosts.

What better camouflage than pretending to be something you’re not in order to not get killed? It’s brilliant really, scientists will keep trying to figure out how to destroy the virus when really they should be focusing on how to kill the alien. Some may be yelling right now, “what’s the difference?!” And we’d say to them that the difference is in the word choice, and the words that are chosen mean different things.

If you have the influenza alien inside of you, the only thing you can really do is hide in your bed for three days to two weeks until it goes away–and of course, drink plenty of fluids–the influenza alien has been known to hate orange juice and the blue color of Gatorade.

Breaking News: Tom Brady Outed As An Inner Earth Alien, Kneeler, and Spokesperson for Uggs

Could Tom Brady aka the Offical Ugg Spokesman Be an Inner Earth Alien?

As you’ve seen in recent news, the U.S. government shut down for three days in an attempt to cover up more truth. On top of that, President Trump appears to be leading the United States of America into a very ugly war over nuclear war button sizes with North Korea.

But, we shouldn’t let any of that distract us from the real threat facing our country: the Patriots are back to compete in the Big Game.

The big game being the biggest Big Game of American football. It is also the second biggest capitalist celebration of indulgence and consumerism after Christmas. And of course, the day that finally every person in the U.S. falls off their new year’s resolutions 100%.

At first glance, the Patriots entering the Big Game for the eighth time since 2001 might seem inconsequential. That is when one compares it to nuclear war and the collapse of the entire United States government, but if it was inconsequential then why would President Trump spend so much time tweeting about it?

The answer is obvious to anyone paying attention.

The NFL has clearly been infiltrated by inner earth aliens led by none other than Patriots quarterback and five-time Big Game champion, Uggs spokesperson, pretty boy, Gisele-husband, guy-every-straight-guy would-even-sleep-with, Tom Brady.

And because U.S. President Donald Trump is actually a reptilian shapeshifter Illuminati member, and the Illuminati and inner earth aliens haven’t gotten along ever since Illuminati reptilian President Nixon made the mistake of saying there was a “war on drugs,” causing the inner earth aliens to lose billions of dollars in their throughthecrustoftheearth drug sales (mainly quaaludes and mescaline) trade, the two forces have been spatting back and forth with each other right in front of all of our eyes ever since.

tom_brady_super_bowl2

The Inner Earth Aliens have been dissatisfied with their position as lower class citizens, being forced to live literally inside the earth without access to education opportunities, Billy Joel concerts, or proper nutrition.

Despite all of the disadvantages some inner earth aliens have escaped their underground hell hole and somehow made it into the NFL. These inner earth aliens show their solidarity with their inner earth comrades who are still underground by kneeling during the Earth anthem that plays before all the big games.

This kneeling action is a direct challenge to the authority of the surface world, and a call to arms for inner earth aliens.

As a member of the Illuminati and enemy of inner earth aliens, President Trump became quickly aware of this secret inner earth alien message back at the beginning of the football season and has responded accordingly.

Why else would he care so much about a seemingly meaningless gesture carried out by grown men playing a game that consists of wearing super tight pants and trying to get a big brown ball through a narrow end zone?

Of course, the leader of the inner earth aliens is none other than Tom Brady, who managed to rise through the ranks of the NFL quarterbacks with the help of his Beli-bot, capable of calculating outcomes and making decisions without human emotions interfering. Also, he cheats and lets the air out of footballs sometimes.

Brady’s ultimate plan is clear; convince the country to wear uggs so that they can’t detect the inner earth alien landspaceships coming up through the surface until it’s too late. If the Patriots win the Big Game this year, he may sell enough uggs to put his plan into action.

Our only hope is that the Illuminati are able to prevent these illegal aliens from kneeling and quell the uprising of inner earth aliens. But what can we as citizens do to help?

The answer is obvious. Don’t be distracted by things like the government shutting down or the president colluding with Russia to cheat in an election, and focus on anthem kneeling, the Big Game, and buying yourself a new pair of Uggs.

Government Shutdown Was Distraction From TRUTH

Dreamers Are A Front to Real Alien Issues

-Washington D.C. United States, Earth

The recent 3-day United States government shutdown over the past weekend was not entirely based upon the Democrats desire for a solution to Daca–the program designed to help Dreamers, children brought illegally into to the United States who have lived in the country the majority of their lives, stay in the United States.

The truth of the matter is that it’s not about these illegal immigrants at all. The reason why it’s been so difficult for any administration to come up with a solution to border issues in the United States is that they are unsure of how to handle literal alien entry.

When government officials discuss aliens from other countries on Earth they often are using that as code for actual aliens from outer space (and inner earth core).

government_shutdown
Part of a Goverment Building, found in the United States, appeared to be unoccupied for at least over a decade now.

Think about it. What’s the big deal with regard to any person from any shithole country coming over here when inner earth aliens are trying to shove their way up onto human land and massive tall whites are trying to mind-control us into electing Illuminati-representatives like Donald Trump as a distraction device from the TRUTH?

What’s the TRUTH, you wonder?

Well, over here at What the Conspiracy we’ve been wondering that too. That’s why we created this site, to keep digging, to keep finding the answers to the hard questions no one has even thought to ask.

Maybe Mary at Yellowstone National Park just wanted to take Monday off and she orchestrated the entire shut-down. Or maybe the government shutdown because Trump and the rest of his political team couldn’t figure out how to tell the aliens, (aliens that have yet to be named), aliens that are more intense, more powerful, more corrupt than both the Tall Whites AND The Illuminati could ever be, to go away.

Or maybe it was a ruse to get the inner earth aliens through the secret door at the bottom of the Grand Canyon while no one was working.

inner_earth_aliens
Possible Entry / Exit for Inner Earth Aliens Found Near Grand Canyon, Arizona, USA, Earth

We’re still searching for the TRUTH, but it’s not as simple as the mainstream media makes it out to be.

Leave your comments below with TRUTH conspiracies you believe and/or any info you have on outer space /inner earth alien entry into the United States you may know about.

Don’t forget to follow What the Conspiracy on Facebook and Twitter to stay up-to-date on all the latest conspiracy theories and alien news.

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