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What The Conspiracy?!

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What The Evidence

What the Conspiracy?! Is THE Conspiracy

 

Conspiracy! What is real, for real though?

Could this website, What the Conspiracy?!, a website dedicated to exposing the TRUTH about our society and all of the FAKE NEWS in it, actually be THE FAKE NEWS?

In a recent turn of events the founder of What the Conspiracy is seriously starting to question if all of the thoughts, research, and discoveries on this website have actually just been made up the entire time.

Even though there have been hours upon hours of investigations and brain power that has gone into the discovery of such things like The Cloud Industrial Complex (which we are no longer allowed to discuss), political conspiracy theories like the government shut down just existing as a distraction from the truth and United States of America current President Donald Trump’s hair actually being an alien all on its own, as well as holiday conspiracy theories such as Valentine’s Day being an invention of Big Pharma, no one here is really sure anymore what’s real and what’s not real.

What is real? What the Conspiracy knows that conspiracies are really just opinions that have not been made popular yet.

The Flat Earthers are popular enough by this point to make everyone else suggest they all go walk off the edge of it. The Illuminati is popular enough that Google always knows when we spell it wrong and automatically corrects it. It’s probably the Illuminati that runs google anyway. That’s a conspiracy theory that the staff at What the Conspiracy has yet to look into, but probably should. Except, the staff at What the Conspiracy is going through a sort of existential crisis and no one here knows who they are anymore.

what_the_conspiracy33

Could the staff at What the Conspiracy have been brainwashed by some sort of powerful alien species? Perhaps these aliens came in and whispered “self-doubt” into the What the Conspiracy staff members ears and now everyone here is confused and can’t tell the TRUTH from the LIES.

We have already had our run-ins with conspiracy theory issues in the past. Like the time when the founder of What the Conspiracy was abducted for almost an entire year by members of the Cloud Industrial Complex and thrown into that tornado only to make it out with a warning never to discuss the true facts about the clouds, the water, the ice and everything connected to it all ever again.

We’re technically not even supposed to write “The Cloud Industrial Complex,” on this website anymore, but since we’re not actually writing about what they do and we’re not even saying they exist (even though they clearly do, considering) and we really are just writing the words, ‘The Cloud Industrial Complex,’ we really do not think anyone at What the Conspiracy will get hurt again.

Unless this is all just a set up by whichever alien species came into our office and brainwashed us into writing this article about What the Conspiracy not even being real.

The truth of the matter is that there is no ‘office,’ and the ‘we’ that ‘we’ always speak of here at What the Conspiracy is just one person. A woman if you can believe that. With boobs and everything. Though one time a guy (with very nice arms, mind you) did help her discover the Tom Brady / inner earth alien conspiracy because the woman with boobs doesn’t really follow football or sports of any kind.

Yet, she did look into it more and it seemed legit. Now though, she’s questioning if maybe the guy with very nice arms was distracting her with his nice arms in order to pull one over on her and Tom Brady isn’t an inner earth alien at all but just a dude-bro with ugly shoes.

Regardless of what is real and what is fake, what is a conspiracy theory and what is a factual theory. Regardless of whether this is a one-woman-two boob show or if there is an entire team of freaks and weirdos here, What the Conspiracy will always work to learn more and to tell you all about that it finds even if what it finds could damage its own image, name, brand. Because What the Conspiracy is here. And it’s all we, she, whomever really knows how to do.

Recently Discovered Tiny Butt Violin Connected to Alien Activity on Earth

What The Evidence: Found Object String-on-a-Stick #6753

Date: December 2017
Location: 25th & Ogden, Denver, Colorado, USA, Earth
Contents: Unknown

tiny_butt_violin

Alien Butt Violin Paraphernalia Found in Denver

Denver, CO

A recent discovery reveals something not from planet Earth.

Found along the streets of Five Points, Denver, Colorado.

What appears to be an apparatus that from planet BoomBing home of the Buttchippa. A highly intelligent, superior species that prefer to “YOLO,” though they have a much more evolved terminology regarding that phrase that us mere humans would not comprehend.

According to planet BoomBing experts, the Buttchippa are typically 6 to 9 inches tall; half of the species is incredibly fat while the other half is absurdly thin, yet, unlike humans they are non-gender-binary. It’s entirely genetic whether one is super fat or super thin and no Buttchippa thinks one is more beautiful than the other, it’s a non-issue. The Buttchippa are sound-oriented. They survive, thrive, heal, kill, become aroused, and reproduce through the art of sound.

Researchers and scientists suggest that the shape, size, structure, and location of discovered artifact all point toward this particular species, though there are competing theories as to the purpose of said found item.

How did it get here?

Why did it get left behind?

Could the Buttchippa use it in their behinds?

Leading scientists have decided to call this object String-on-a-Stick #6753. There are currently three major theories as to what this unidentified alien object ‘String-on-a-Stick #6753’ is and what it does and If it does indeed belong to the Buttchippa.

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Found Object String-On-a-Stick #6753 pictured at discovery location, 25th & Ogden, Denver, CO, USA, Earth. December, 2017.

Here Are The Three Major Theories of found object String-on-a-Stick #6753 In Minor Detail.

1. Generic Everyday Butt Violin
The Buttchippa are musical creatures. They enjoy a good rhythm, a good song. The way they tend to mate with one another is through what we would call classical butt rubbing, while they each sing the sounds of ooh-la-la.  Sometimes the Buttchippa find typical butt rubbing to get rather dull. To spice things up, they’re known to add toys into their sex play. Some researchers believe that found object String-on-a-Stick #6753 is a Buttchippa butt violin.

The butt violin works exactly like it sounds, one Buttchippa glides the butt violin through the cheeks of another (or alone along their own butt cheeks if they’re solo-explorers) back and forth, in and out, up and down in order to create noises like the ooh-la-la but different, more like ee-ea-ouu.

Buttchippa also give birth through their anuses, so the generic everyday butt violin could be used as a device to help guide baby Buttchippas gently through the dark hole into bright light.

2. A Sound Instrument

Some experts believe that found object String-on-a-Stick #6753 was not created for literal sex acts, but is similar to a violin inasmuch as it is used like an instrument for the Buttchippa to play, sort of like humans do in bands, except better because they clearly understand sound more than Earthlings do.

3. A Weed-Whack-Snip-Trim-A-Kabob

The weeds on planet BoomBing are delicate, yet create a disharmony that the Buttchippa find unnerving. They’re known for their elaborate gardens because certain plants attract bee-like creatures called Buzzingas that make a sweet sweet song that put most Buttchippas in a trance-like escastic daze. The weeds attract Waspadoodles, tiny creatures that make noises that sound like a mixture between a yapping lap dog and a incredibly loud wasp (like one basically just buzzing right in your ear for hours at a time). The Buttchippa do not care for the Waspadoodles and thus they must eliminate what the Waspadoodles thrive on, the weeds. Hence why some scientists believe that found object String-on-a-Stick #6753 is some sort of weedwhacker, line trimmer thing. Because the weeds on planet BoomBing are so fragile, all it takes is a string and a strong arm and the Buttchippa can fix up their yards in seconds flat (unlike Earthlings whose middle-class species tends to their yards week after week to no avail).

Unwarranted opinion: Why can’t it be used for all three things?

Researchers are still investigating. What the Conspiracy will update once more information on found objec String-on-a-Stick #6753 (aka the tiny butt violin) is released.

What the Evidence: Tiny UFO FOUND In Denver

Tiny UFO Comes to Denver

Wrecked Unidentified Flying Object

Date: December 2017
Location: 26th & Ogden
Contents: Unknown

UFO3Glob

Denver, CO.

Recently discovered in the heart of Five Points, Denver, Colorado, Earth, proof that tiny aliens exist.

A tiny UFO, aka a small spacecraft was uncovered on site at Lenore B. Quick Park at the intersection of 26th and Ogden on December 8, 2017.

Measuring eleven centimeters across made of what appears to be a type of plastic material (compound analysis currently underway), a square hole with an X sits in the middle of the UFO, potentially how aliens entered and exited the spacecraft or it is designed for better aerodynamics. Three convex plastic bubbles are arranged four centimeters apart from each other. Could also be an aerodynamic design element or a cultural marking of sorts. Ridged outer layer.

UFO1GlobsUnclear whether device flies with edges up, down, or both.

The found object appears to be damaged beyond repair.

No sign of intelligent life on or near discovery.

Trace amounts of orange sticky liquid remain. Could indicate fuel leak, explosion, or biological residue (further analysis underway).

Unwarranted opinion:

Spacecraft could potentially belong to the Squiby Mantis Ants sect or the Red Glugs. Motivation for travel to Earth currently unclear. The Squiby Mantis Ants are said to be quaint, harmless, and fun, unlike the Red Glugs, which are known for planting devastating bacterias on planets and ruining the land and water essentially killing every living thing on in and under the surface. The Red Glugs do this in order to take over the planet themselves as the entire species are sex addicts who multiply by the millions every day and are constantly in search of new places to take over (when they are not fucking each other that is).

Let us hope we have found an SMA UFO or else planet Earth is doomed.

 

UFO2GLugs
Tiny UFO near Lenore B. Quick Park, Denver.

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