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What The Conspiracy?!

The Real Fake News

Government Shutdown Was Distraction From TRUTH

Dreamers Are A Front to Real Alien Issues

-Washington D.C. United States, Earth

The recent 3-day United States government shutdown over the past weekend was not entirely based upon the Democrats desire for a solution to Daca–the program designed to help Dreamers, children brought illegally into to the United States who have lived in the country the majority of their lives, stay in the United States.

The truth of the matter is that it’s not about these illegal immigrants at all. The reason why it’s been so difficult for any administration to come up with a solution to border issues in the United States is that they are unsure of how to handle literal alien entry.

When government officials discuss aliens from other countries on Earth they often are using that as code for actual aliens from outer space (and inner earth core).

government_shutdown
Part of a Goverment Building, found in the United States, appeared to be unoccupied for at least over a decade now.

Think about it. What’s the big deal with regard to any person from any shithole country coming over here when inner earth aliens are trying to shove their way up onto human land and massive tall whites are trying to mind-control us into electing Illuminati-representatives like Donald Trump as a distraction device from the TRUTH?

What’s the TRUTH, you wonder?

Well, over here at What the Conspiracy we’ve been wondering that too. That’s why we created this site, to keep digging, to keep finding the answers to the hard questions no one has even thought to ask.

Maybe Mary at Yellowstone National Park just wanted to take Monday off and she orchestrated the entire shut-down. Or maybe the government shutdown because Trump and the rest of his political team couldn’t figure out how to tell the aliens, (aliens that have yet to be named), aliens that are more intense, more powerful, more corrupt than both the Tall Whites AND The Illuminati could ever be, to go away.

Or maybe it was a ruse to get the inner earth aliens through the secret door at the bottom of the Grand Canyon while no one was working.

inner_earth_aliens
Possible Entry / Exit for Inner Earth Aliens Found Near Grand Canyon, Arizona, USA, Earth

We’re still searching for the TRUTH, but it’s not as simple as the mainstream media makes it out to be.

Leave your comments below with TRUTH conspiracies you believe and/or any info you have on outer space /inner earth alien entry into the United States you may know about.

Don’t forget to follow What the Conspiracy on Facebook and Twitter to stay up-to-date on all the latest conspiracy theories and alien news.

Could the Secret to the Meaning of Life Exist Within Tide Pods?

Kid Approved:

Tide Pods Hold The Meaning of Life Within Their Plastic Shell

The recent uproar in the mainstream media regarding the latest teenage trend of eating Tide Pods, the individually-plastic-wrapped colorful candy-like looking laundry detergent, has some conspiracy theorists wondering if Tide-Pods actually contain the meaning of life.

The Tide Pod Challenge comes after a slew of other teenage rebellions including but not limited to the gallon challenge, the cinnamon challenge, the bath-salt challenge and the classic drinking-jungle-juice-from-a-bathtub challenge. All of which were just steps up the ladder to truly understanding the meaning of life.

tide_pods
Teenager attempting to discover the meaning of life at the laundromat, Seattle, Washington, U.S.A. Earth, 2018.

That is, many humans between the ages of 13 and 19 have a hard time wrapping their minds around the idea that death is a certainty– the Tide Pod Challenge helps them on their way toward enlightenment, aka recognizing their own mortality, aka seeing the other side, aka realizing that life is one big joke and it ends when they eat a piece of plastic containing not just soap, but what could only be construed as a chemical lab-made poison. That “fresh rain” smell, that “tropical ocean” smell, that’s not natural, that’s all made up by scientists who get paid a lot of money to make soap that is probably more likely to cause cancer than prevent it.

“When clothes come out of the laundry with that fresh smell all humans seem to enjoy, well, I made up that fresh smell,” says, Corporate Chemist, Connelly Dickson, 42, “The truth of the matter, grocery-store laundry detergent would cause damage and/or potentially kill any breathing creature that consumes even a small quantity of it.”

One conspiracy theorist think otherwise.

“Maybe the younger generation just gets it, you know?” says guy who still lives in his mom’s basement, Josh McGosh, 37, “maybe there’s something in these pods. We don’t really know until we try. The government and the mainstream media could be working in cahoots trying to keep us from eating them when really they exist to change our lives.”

Upon hearing McGosh’s claims, “No. Nope. Eating laundry detergent will indeed kill a person,” Dickson concludes. “So, yes, it will change a person’s life, in that they will no longer have one.”

Yet, what is death anyway? No one really truly knows. Perhaps people of Generation Z understand more about it than anyone else. Perhaps the other side is better than this one. They are growing up in the Trump era after all; who could really blame them for wanting to take this sort of exploratory leap? Life, money, time, non-edible tide pods, it’s all just social constructs anyway.

To report exposure to laundry detergent pods, call the national poison hotline at 1-800-222-1222 so you can go back to living a meaningless no-enlightened poison-free existence. Or text POISON to 797979 to save the number on your phone and get to it later.

Recently Discovered Tiny Butt Violin Connected to Alien Activity on Earth

What The Evidence: Found Object String-on-a-Stick #6753

Date: December 2017
Location: 25th & Ogden, Denver, Colorado, USA, Earth
Contents: Unknown

tiny_butt_violin

Alien Butt Violin Paraphernalia Found in Denver

Denver, CO

A recent discovery reveals something not from planet Earth.

Found along the streets of Five Points, Denver, Colorado.

What appears to be an apparatus that from planet BoomBing home of the Buttchippa. A highly intelligent, superior species that prefer to “YOLO,” though they have a much more evolved terminology regarding that phrase that us mere humans would not comprehend.

According to planet BoomBing experts, the Buttchippa are typically 6 to 9 inches tall; half of the species is incredibly fat while the other half is absurdly thin, yet, unlike humans they are non-gender-binary. It’s entirely genetic whether one is super fat or super thin and no Buttchippa thinks one is more beautiful than the other, it’s a non-issue. The Buttchippa are sound-oriented. They survive, thrive, heal, kill, become aroused, and reproduce through the art of sound.

Researchers and scientists suggest that the shape, size, structure, and location of discovered artifact all point toward this particular species, though there are competing theories as to the purpose of said found item.

How did it get here?

Why did it get left behind?

Could the Buttchippa use it in their behinds?

Leading scientists have decided to call this object String-on-a-Stick #6753. There are currently three major theories as to what this unidentified alien object ‘String-on-a-Stick #6753’ is and what it does and If it does indeed belong to the Buttchippa.

tiny_butt_violin_3
Found Object String-On-a-Stick #6753 pictured at discovery location, 25th & Ogden, Denver, CO, USA, Earth. December, 2017.

Here Are The Three Major Theories of found object String-on-a-Stick #6753 In Minor Detail.

1. Generic Everyday Butt Violin
The Buttchippa are musical creatures. They enjoy a good rhythm, a good song. The way they tend to mate with one another is through what we would call classical butt rubbing, while they each sing the sounds of ooh-la-la.  Sometimes the Buttchippa find typical butt rubbing to get rather dull. To spice things up, they’re known to add toys into their sex play. Some researchers believe that found object String-on-a-Stick #6753 is a Buttchippa butt violin.

The butt violin works exactly like it sounds, one Buttchippa glides the butt violin through the cheeks of another (or alone along their own butt cheeks if they’re solo-explorers) back and forth, in and out, up and down in order to create noises like the ooh-la-la but different, more like ee-ea-ouu.

Buttchippa also give birth through their anuses, so the generic everyday butt violin could be used as a device to help guide baby Buttchippas gently through the dark hole into bright light.

2. A Sound Instrument

Some experts believe that found object String-on-a-Stick #6753 was not created for literal sex acts, but is similar to a violin inasmuch as it is used like an instrument for the Buttchippa to play, sort of like humans do in bands, except better because they clearly understand sound more than Earthlings do.

3. A Weed-Whack-Snip-Trim-A-Kabob

The weeds on planet BoomBing are delicate, yet create a disharmony that the Buttchippa find unnerving. They’re known for their elaborate gardens because certain plants attract bee-like creatures called Buzzingas that make a sweet sweet song that put most Buttchippas in a trance-like escastic daze. The weeds attract Waspadoodles, tiny creatures that make noises that sound like a mixture between a yapping lap dog and a incredibly loud wasp (like one basically just buzzing right in your ear for hours at a time). The Buttchippa do not care for the Waspadoodles and thus they must eliminate what the Waspadoodles thrive on, the weeds. Hence why some scientists believe that found object String-on-a-Stick #6753 is some sort of weedwhacker, line trimmer thing. Because the weeds on planet BoomBing are so fragile, all it takes is a string and a strong arm and the Buttchippa can fix up their yards in seconds flat (unlike Earthlings whose middle-class species tends to their yards week after week to no avail).

Unwarranted opinion: Why can’t it be used for all three things?

Researchers are still investigating. What the Conspiracy will update once more information on found objec String-on-a-Stick #6753 (aka the tiny butt violin) is released.

Study Finds Tinder App Turning People Into Trash

Tinder App Designed to Turn Humans Into Trash?

Recent undercover agents have discovered that the popular dating app Tinder is actually not a dating app at all but a computer database designed to turn humans into digital-to-literal disposable commodities.

Tinder_WTC_1
Pitmon, 23, enjoying the first few days of her life on Tinder before drastically being transformed into a plastic water bottle.

Sally Pitmon, 23, a poli-sci graduate student coming out of a major break-up decided to “go for it,” and downloaded the Tinder app three days go. In just the first day she had already 50 matches.

“I don’t know,” Pitmon said, “I probably have swiped left on over 200 potential matches. I’m beginning to feel like these people aren’t even people anymore.”

Bryan Bode, 26, CPA, whom Pitmon swiped left on, and who has been on and off Tinder for two years, said this:

“I basically don’t even feel like a person anymore. It’s like I’m a plastic water bottle. You get me? I quench someone’s thirst and then I get thrown away.”

Tinder_Conspiracy
Bode, 26, contemplating if he’d rather jump into the eternal Mother Earth trashcan of life to then become a real-life ghost, or if he should return to quenching the thirst of thirsty women on Tinder, forever doomed to become a plastic water bottle of a man.

The undercover agents had this to say about their findings:

The brilliance of the dating app Tinder is its ability to utilize the positives and negatives of our capitalist system. We’ve narrowed it to 4 main components.

  1. Leverage people’s loneliness.  Make them feel like a connection to something real is just one message away.
  2. Design it so only superficialities can come through so no one gets attached or knows in advance they’re really wrong for the other person.
  3. Make it into a fun game! What’s more fun than scrolling through your phone imagining different people who could be the one (or the one for the night!).
  4. Create a sense of FOMO. Yes, a person could go out with another person who is funny, smart and hot, but make it feel like there is someone else out in the world who is funnier, smarter, hotter! The only way to truly know is to dismiss funny, smart, hot person (aka ghost them) and keep playing.

“That’s a bit extreme. I’m actually having a lot of fun!” Pitmon said after hearing the discoveries made by the undercover agents.

Bode, who happened to be in the same room as Pitmon and found out through one undercover agent’s slip of the tongue that Pitmon had indeed swiped left on him, rolled his eyes, “Says the new woman to Tinder. Just you wait.”

No comment on whether the tone of that “just you wait,” was menacing or not.

Needless to say, Bode will not be quenching Pitmon’s thirst.

And Tinder wins again.

 

According to Latest Polls: 48% of Human Voters in Alabama Actually of Alien Origin

Alabama, Aliens, Roy Moore, and Our Last Hope for Humanity

The recent senate race in Alabama between Republican Roy Moore and Democrat Doug Jones reveals that at least 48%* of the supposed human life forms in this state are actually not of human origin.

Theories have been discussed for decades regarding a possible alien invasion in the state of Alabama. Besides the nearly constant reports of UFO sightings in the area, theorists believe that due to the Alabamians love for greasy foodstuff, anal sex, and faux Christian-like behaviors, that a majority of the humans in the heart of Dixie have been infiltrated to completion–bodies, minds, and spirits– and taken over by creatures not of this Earth.

It’s believed that these life forms are Bambeedles from Ala-Ala Island on planet Grossconian–two galaxies away from Earth.

The Bamdeedles look like fat turkey-walrus hybrids but can shapeshift into human form easily due to their development of a substance called Bitterbutterbee, which is also used to cure one of the Bamdeedles most prominent diseases, a type of hemorrhoids that occur often due to their love of greasy foodstuff and their over-indulgence in anal sex. (They also have three anuses, but that is an irrelevant piece of information.)

The Bamdeedles are a male-dominated society; Earthlings would consider the Bamdeedles pedophiles as the males are known to begin sexual relations the females of their culture when they are as young as six.

It’s well known that the male Bamdeedles from Ala-Ala Island use and abuse the females as if they are property and not of the same equal status, even though the females are known to be of higher intelligence. The females have worked for centuries to overcome the power imbalance, but are often raped and/or murdered before being able to make any strides toward equality. All females are killed after the birth of their second offspring or by the time they reach 24–regardless.

Decades ago it was discovered that several intelligent Bamdeedles females were recruited by their male counterparts to invent a way to travel through space and time. One theory suggests that they made it as far as Earth, Alabama to be exact, where the males from Ala-Ala Island killed their fellow female space travelers and were then stuck on Earth because of their inability to figure out how to drive their ship back (or even how to turn the damn ship back on).

Of course, the Bamdeedles who were left on planet Earth, right in the state that is called Alabama, didn’t know what else to do, so they shapeshifted into human beings and started eating all the greasy foodstuff and having anal sex with pretty much any living creature they came in contact with.

Aliens in Alabama
The potential site in Alabama where the Bamdeedles first landed.

It’s been decades since the invasion and theories suggest that at least half of the population of this state is actually of Bamdeedle origin and this is why voting for a politician like Roy Moore was actually an easy-peasy choice.

It could even be that Republican Roy Moore is a Bamdeedle himself, which would explain away the allegations of sexual misconduct, which to any sane human is completely and totally unacceptable, but to the Bamdeedles is just their way of life. It would also explain why he thinks his male superiority should allow him to have power over an entire state even though he doesn’t really know anything and even though he treats a large majority of the population of earth creatures with hatred and disdain.

There is one hope though, other conspiracy theorists think that Earth horses are actually equinoid aliens and that Sassy, the horse Roy Moore rode into town on in order to vote, will soon overtake his place in politics and work to restore order in the state of Alabama.

It is unclear how to stop the spread of Bamdeedles through the state of Alabama, and it’s true they may have already begun to infest other states in the region, but a small community of people have been discussing possible options for their destruction.

All we can do now is hope that Sassy and her herd of badass equinoids will come to our rescue and restore the humanity of Alabama–and of our dear planet Earth.

*Numbers are currently updating vote by vote

What the Evidence: Tiny UFO FOUND In Denver

Tiny UFO Comes to Denver

Wrecked Unidentified Flying Object

Date: December 2017
Location: 26th & Ogden
Contents: Unknown

UFO3Glob

Denver, CO.

Recently discovered in the heart of Five Points, Denver, Colorado, Earth, proof that tiny aliens exist.

A tiny UFO, aka a small spacecraft was uncovered on site at Lenore B. Quick Park at the intersection of 26th and Ogden on December 8, 2017.

Measuring eleven centimeters across made of what appears to be a type of plastic material (compound analysis currently underway), a square hole with an X sits in the middle of the UFO, potentially how aliens entered and exited the spacecraft or it is designed for better aerodynamics. Three convex plastic bubbles are arranged four centimeters apart from each other. Could also be an aerodynamic design element or a cultural marking of sorts. Ridged outer layer.

UFO1GlobsUnclear whether device flies with edges up, down, or both.

The found object appears to be damaged beyond repair.

No sign of intelligent life on or near discovery.

Trace amounts of orange sticky liquid remain. Could indicate fuel leak, explosion, or biological residue (further analysis underway).

Unwarranted opinion:

Spacecraft could potentially belong to the Squiby Mantis Ants sect or the Red Glugs. Motivation for travel to Earth currently unclear. The Squiby Mantis Ants are said to be quaint, harmless, and fun, unlike the Red Glugs, which are known for planting devastating bacterias on planets and ruining the land and water essentially killing every living thing on in and under the surface. The Red Glugs do this in order to take over the planet themselves as the entire species are sex addicts who multiply by the millions every day and are constantly in search of new places to take over (when they are not fucking each other that is).

Let us hope we have found an SMA UFO or else planet Earth is doomed.

 

UFO2GLugs
Tiny UFO near Lenore B. Quick Park, Denver.

Time, It’s Not On Your Side.

Time.

It’s not on your side.

Or mine.

It’s been almost a year since my last blog and it’s not that I didn’t want to, it’s that I couldn’t. Turns out that the Cloud Industrial Complex got wind of my theories involving their hold on our society and decided to try to blow me over. I was held captive in the eye of a tornado for several months, only eating and drinking the things I could catch flying by. It swept me almost all the way across the United States dropping me off on top of the Appalachian mountains where I had to hike through multiple climates and terrains just to make it back into civilization.

Once I returned, a gray cloud appeared and started following me everywhere I went.

Anytime I would get online it would send a lightning bolt through my electric outlets and shut off my power before I could post anything that was happening to me.

The thing about air is it’s everywhere and the air and the clouds are like BFFs. I had to convince the air that I would only say good things about it, like how it helps us breathe etc. which it does. The air is great. Air is one of my favorite things. Air keeps us alive.

No, I haven’t been bought out. Or have I? It’s hard to tell anymore.
The thing about time is that even though I’ve been away for a year, I can pick back right where I left off and no one will be the wiser. Mostly because no one has fallen onto this website yet and thus has no idea what’s actually going on in our world.

But I know because of how time works that if I wait long enough everything will unravel just as it should. And if it doesn’t it won’t matter because eventually time will kill me, and you, and everyone we know. It’s honestly more dangerous than the Cloud Industrial Complex.

I’ll fill you in as it tick-tocks forward; in the meantime, be aware, time doesn’t move in a straight line like we were taught to believe, it’s all around us, forward, backward, upside down.

Stay-tuned.

I’m back for good and ready to fill you in on all that’s really happening out there from the air, to the clouds, to the sand in the hourglass.

Illegal Aliens Are Controlling Donald Trump

U.S. President Donald Trump’s Hair Issue

AKA Your Hair is Everywhere, Screaming Infidelities and Taking Its Wear

It may be at least four more years before a full global disclosure happens now that Donald Trump is in office. And the reason is right in front of our very eyes.

People around the world comment left and right,

“What is up with Donald Trump’s hair?”

Some say things like,

‘He’s rich, why doesn’t he get hair plugs or something?”

Others suggest he should,

“shave it all off.”

But, the truth of the matter is that his hair is actually not hair at all, his hair is an alien. That’s right, it is an illegal not-from-this-country, not even from this planet ALIEN and it’s not only controlling his brain, but it is now in charge of the entire United States of America, with direct repercussions to the earth AND universe, and even possibly the multi-verse.

To be clear, this alien is not just ONE alien but a colony of aliens and they are attempting what is called “the slow game.” The slow game is often something people in the dating world use as a method to win over their crush by taking their time to reveal how fabulous they are with small acts of daily kindness and flirtations, maybe the occasional sext (but never full nudity).

When it comes to aliens slow-gaming the earth it’s a bit different. Instead of just blasting the entire globe, their true goals are more aligned with removing the “cancer” aka “humans” from the land so that they can take over and claim this place as their own. By controlling the president of the United States of America, a leader amongst nations–or so the citizens are told to believe, this colony of aliens is embarking on their own subtle but effective alien-colonization of planet earth.

Do not be mistaken by Donald Trump’s hairs’ human-like qualities, those golden dry floppy strands are not of mammalian origin. Think of them as parasites. Alien parasites that are feeding on the evil, hate, and ignorance of human’s worst traits.

We must overcomb this.

This is a true illegal alien issue. It’s a nonconsensual take over of not only his body, but his brain. It’s a nonconsensual takeover of America. To put it bluntly, America is being raped by Donald Trump. Or more specifically, the alien colony trying to take over our planet by pretending to be Donald Trump’s hair.

Sure, it’s a fact that removing the alien colony would put an end to the current living Donald Trump figure, but the physical body is no longer controlled by a human spirit; the real Donald Trump has been dead for decades. Now, the aliens are after all of us.

Unless we’re capable of stopping these aliens we will all perish before there is even a full disclosure that aliens exist. We must end the aliens living on our own planet (aka Donald Trump’s hair). Then, once we have defeated them all we should build a giant dome around the earth to protect us from outside intruders, good or bad. Because we couldn’t possibly consent to things, people, aliens, we do not understand nor could we ever bother with taking the time to learn.

dtIf you look closely at this image you will find two alien eyes looking straight back at you.

Santa Claus, Big Brother, & You

The Santa Claus Myth is Your Reality

We all love that jolly man in the red suit, the one who, once a year sneaks into our house to leave us presents and eat all of our cookies. He’s just the best right?

Ho, ho, no.

santaclausbigbro

We teach our children about this myth and then, at some point, youthful innocence is corrupted and we’re turned into non-believers.

But, the truth is Santa is REAL.

Maybe not via the original storyline, but he’s definitely real in real life. According to the latest conspiracy theory, Santa Claus is actually Big Brother.

Think about it.

  1. He sees you when you’re sleeping.
  2. He knows when you’re awake.
  3. He knows when you’ve been bad or good.

Santa Claus has been monitoring us for decades.

Not only that, but there are hundreds of them at malls and shopping centers across the world, spying on your purchases, spying on who you are at your core. Sure, there may not be one patriarchal all-knowing all-seeing Santa Claus, but there are thousands of individuals ones who are working for “the man,” “the man” being the people in charge of keeping us simple consumers.

What does it mean to be bad these days anyway? To not buy, buy, buy, perhaps. (could N’sync’s song actually be about consumerism and not telling someone to go away!?!)

It’s silly to not believe in Santa Claus who is, in reality, Big Brother, who could in fact just be marketers trying to cookie you and overwhelm your social media with ads so you give them your money and then have no money and thus can no longer do the things you really want to do. Continuing to help you hinder your own passions and forgo your dreams.

You could be your own Santa Claus.

I mean, aren’t you the one really eating those cookies anyway?

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