The crowds of people all over the internet are yet again fighting over something that seems rather trivial. This time around it is not the color of a dress (that dress was white and gold, you fuckers), but instead, the trivial debate is all about what a person hears.
In this short sound bite, a person can supposedly hear either the word Laurel or the word Yanny. People are getting real heated up about which is true.
The truth of the matter is that they are both true. Depending on your ears and your bass you will hear one or the other. That’s not the actual issue.
The issue is that anyone who listens to this sound bite immediately becomes brainwashed by the Cloud Industrial Complex or the Illuminati or the Lizard People.
We’re not quite sure which power group has control over this mind control but we KNOW it’s not just a bit of trivial internet buzz. This short sound bite could have major repercussions on our entire planet.
If you’ve listened to it, you’re already fucked. Soon your brain will start deteriorating and you will somehow find your way back to the internet where you will let everyone else know whether you heard Laurel or Yanny, as if anyone else gives a fuck.
If you heard Laurel, you’re fucked.
If you heard Yanny, you’re fucked.
Because guess what?!!? It was all just a set up to fuck you.
Congrats for being the millionth person to turn into yet another internet robot cyborg sheep zombie. You’re not part of the Cloud Industrial Complex Illuminati Lizard People, oh no, they’d never let you in. Nope, instead they are inside YOU and are controlling your every thought, move, desire, need, want, etc.
It’s okay in a way, because now you can blame all of your actions and mistakes on the Cloud Industrial Complex Illuminati Lizard People. They’ll never forgive you like Jesus would though, just remember that. Amen.
Kanye West Attempts to Make America Great Again Just to Get Into Secret Society
Kanye West is back at it again and people are horrified.
Recently West was caught sporting a Make America Great Again hat. MAGA is the infamous slogan from the Trump campaign that has been gracing the front of bright red trucker hats for a couple of years now. West said on his twitter:
“You don’t have to agree with trump but the mob can’t make me not love him. We are both dragon energy. He is my brother. I love everyone. I don’t agree with everything anyone does. That’s what makes us individuals. And we have the right to independent thought.”
Theories are blasting in across the internet. People are losing their shit. Some theorist claim West is doing this for publicity. Some claim he’s just a narcissistic sociopath, but here at What the Conspiracy we KNOW that even if both of those things are true, there’s a bigger truth out there.
Kanye West is in his final initiation in an attempt to join forces with the Illuminati.
If you’re unfamiliar the Illuminati is a “secret society” (that everyone knows about), a society that claims to have the actual control over our planet.
As any real conspiracy theorist knows the Illuminati is just a smokescreen for the REAL social orders that run our Earth.
Why Kanye is SO obsessed with becoming a part of it is beyond anyone here at WTC’s knowledge base.
Yet. It’s clear that he’s been trying WAY too hard for WAY too long. Remember that whole Taylor Swift thing? That was part of the Illuminati initiation test. And marrying a Kardashian? Also part of it.
He has hundreds of tweets that go on and on about loving each other.
Could it be that he’s trying to get the world to get along by becoming the scapegoat? The most hated black man alive? And all because he admits to being alright with Donald Trump; a xenophobic homophobic sexist racist white-power lizard-person who happens to be the president of the United States of America?
Could West be saying that we should love our enemies?
If the Illuminati can love the hollow-earth lizard-people shouldn’t we as humans be able to get along a little bit better?
Kanye West is a lizard-person too. He does admit to possessing dragon energy. And we all know lizard people are cousins with dragons.
Here at What the Conspiracy we find the Illuminati’s initiation game to be quite the entertaining show. They really know how to torture a guy. They are basically like frat bros but for the whole earth, not just some stupid college.
One of the best parts about this whole storyline is that the Illuminati let so many other people in so fast, but not Kanye. No, for some reason they just LOVE to see him act out. It’s like, he’s their little puppet and they’re making him do all sorts of fucked up shit just because they’re bored.
We love that you’re preaching the love Kanye, but red trucker hats aren’t really your best style. Also. Most people don’t get the nuances or concept of “loving thy neighbor,” (particularly when it comes to loving someone who only loves himself and literally HATES everyone and everything else).
But perhaps that’s why you show your love to the Trump. You recognize a part of yourself in him; that is what most religions from this planet try to get their constituents to do and you’ve done it, even if its caused everyone else to hate you.
Maybe the Illuminati will finally let you in after all.
But probably not. They’re pretty big dickfaces and want to make sure you’re going to be one too (you are well on your way though, we’ll give you that).
Since the 1800s, Groundhog Day has been a North American tradition. Every year on February 2 a Groundhog comes out of its hole after a long winter sleep and looks for its shadow. If the groundhog sees its shadow it decides to return to its nice comfortable bed for the next six weeks because winter isn’t quite over; if it doesn’t see its shadow that means spring is on the way and it’s time to get out of bed and experience the beauty of the natural world.
But, a recent conspiracy theory suggests that for the past year, ever since President (and Illuminati member) Donald Trump was elected office, the groundhogs have been experiencing major to severe clinical depression.
Though the groundhogs know they’re supposed to get out of their hole, all of them have elected to just pass by the entire year and stay deep in their dark holes aka in their beds regardless of whether spring comes or not.
Conspiracy theorists are suggesting that if you’re at one of the hundreds of Groundhog Day celebrations across the country, whether it’s the largest Groundhog Day celebration held in Punxsutawney, Pennsylvania, where crowds as large as 40,000 gather each year or one of the smaller small town Groundhog day events, those groundhogs you see are not real.
That’s right. The groundhog that you see, is no groundhog at all.
Since all the groundhogs are too depressed to get out of their holes to see if it’s winter or spring, as it doesn’t matter to them whether it’s winter or spring because life sucks anyway, the groundhogs you’re seeing either in real life or on the mainstream media are in fact either robot groundhogs or burrower alien shape-shifter groundhogs.
These fake groundhogs only exist because the mainstream media doesn’t want the human population of people to get depressed over the fact that all the groundhogs are clinically depressed because that would cause way too much depression–and there isn’t enough Prozac in the world to go around (big Pharm may disagree, but that’s another theory for another day).
And so, hundreds of robot groundhogs have been built and where the robots can’t go the burrower alien shape-shifters shapeshift into groundhogs to take their place for the day–all in an attempt to cover-up the major groundhog depression plaguing the planet and allow humans to carry on–whether it’s 6 more weeks of winter or not.
Could Tom Brady aka the Offical Ugg Spokesman Be an Inner Earth Alien?
As you’ve seen in recent news, the U.S. government shut down for three days in an attempt to cover up more truth. On top of that, President Trump appears to be leading the United States of America into a very ugly war over nuclear war button sizes with North Korea.
But, we shouldn’t let any of that distract us from the real threat facing our country: the Patriots are back to compete in the Big Game.
The big game being the biggest Big Game of American football. It is also the second biggest capitalist celebration of indulgence and consumerism after Christmas. And of course, the day that finally every person in the U.S. falls off their new year’s resolutions 100%.
At first glance, the Patriots entering the Big Game for the eighth time since 2001 might seem inconsequential. That is when one compares it to nuclear war and the collapse of the entire United States government, but if it was inconsequential then why would President Trump spend so much time tweeting about it?
The answer is obvious to anyone paying attention.
The NFL has clearly been infiltrated by inner earth aliens led by none other than Patriots quarterback and five-time Big Game champion, Uggs spokesperson, pretty boy, Gisele-husband, guy-every-straight-guy would-even-sleep-with, Tom Brady.
And because U.S. President Donald Trump is actually a reptilian shapeshifter Illuminati member, and the Illuminati and inner earth aliens haven’t gotten along ever since Illuminati reptilian President Nixon made the mistake of saying there was a “war on drugs,” causing the inner earth aliens to lose billions of dollars in their throughthecrustoftheearth drug sales (mainly quaaludes and mescaline) trade, the two forces have been spatting back and forth with each other right in front of all of our eyes ever since.
The Inner Earth Aliens have been dissatisfied with their position as lower class citizens, being forced to live literally inside the earth without access to education opportunities, Billy Joel concerts, or proper nutrition.
Despite all of the disadvantages some inner earth aliens have escaped their underground hell hole and somehow made it into the NFL. These inner earth aliens show their solidarity with their inner earth comrades who are still underground by kneeling during the Earth anthem that plays before all the big games.
This kneeling action is a direct challenge to the authority of the surface world, and a call to arms for inner earth aliens.
As a member of the Illuminati and enemy of inner earth aliens, President Trump became quickly aware of this secret inner earth alien message back at the beginning of the football season and has responded accordingly.
Why else would he care so much about a seemingly meaningless gesture carried out by grown men playing a game that consists of wearing super tight pants and trying to get a big brown ball through a narrow end zone?
Of course, the leader of the inner earth aliens is none other than Tom Brady, who managed to rise through the ranks of the NFL quarterbacks with the help of his Beli-bot, capable of calculating outcomes and making decisions without human emotions interfering. Also, he cheats and lets the air out of footballs sometimes.
Brady’s ultimate plan is clear; convince the country to wear uggs so that they can’t detect the inner earth alien landspaceships coming up through the surface until it’s too late. If the Patriots win the Big Game this year, he may sell enough uggs to put his plan into action.
Our only hope is that the Illuminati are able to prevent these illegal aliens from kneeling and quell the uprising of inner earth aliens. But what can we as citizens do to help?
The answer is obvious. Don’t be distracted by things like the government shutting down or the president colluding with Russia to cheat in an election, and focus on anthem kneeling, the Big Game, and buying yourself a new pair of Uggs.
The recent 3-day United States government shutdown over the past weekend was not entirely based upon the Democrats desire for a solution to Daca–the program designed to help Dreamers, children brought illegally into to the United States who have lived in the country the majority of their lives, stay in the United States.
The truth of the matter is that it’s not about these illegal immigrants at all. The reason why it’s been so difficult for any administration to come up with a solution to border issues in the United States is that they are unsure of how to handle literal alien entry.
When government officials discuss aliens from other countries on Earth they often are using that as code for actual aliens from outer space (and inner earth core).
Think about it. What’s the big deal with regard to any person from any shithole country coming over here when inner earth aliens are trying to shove their way up onto human land and massive tall whites are trying to mind-control us into electing Illuminati-representatives like Donald Trump as a distraction device from the TRUTH?
What’s the TRUTH, you wonder?
Well, over here at What the Conspiracy we’ve been wondering that too. That’s why we created this site, to keep digging, to keep finding the answers to the hard questions no one has even thought to ask.
Maybe Mary at Yellowstone National Park just wanted to take Monday off and she orchestrated the entire shut-down. Or maybe the government shutdown because Trump and the rest of his political team couldn’t figure out how to tell the aliens, (aliens that have yet to be named), aliens that are more intense, more powerful, more corrupt than both the Tall Whites AND The Illuminati could ever be, to go away.
Or maybe it was a ruse to get the inner earth aliens through the secret door at the bottom of the Grand Canyon while no one was working.
We’re still searching for the TRUTH, but it’s not as simple as the mainstream media makes it out to be.
Leave your comments below with TRUTH conspiracies you believe and/or any info you have on outer space /inner earth alien entry into the United States you may know about.
Don’t forget to follow What the Conspiracy on Facebook and Twitter to stay up-to-date on all the latest conspiracy theories and alien news.
Tide Pods Hold The Meaning of Life Within Their Plastic Shell
The recent uproar in the mainstream media regarding the latest teenage trend of eating Tide Pods, the individually-plastic-wrapped colorful candy-like looking laundry detergent, has some conspiracy theorists wondering if Tide-Pods actually contain the meaning of life.
The Tide Pod Challenge comes after a slew of other teenage rebellions including but not limited to the gallon challenge, the cinnamon challenge, the bath-salt challenge and the classic drinking-jungle-juice-from-a-bathtub challenge. All of which were just steps up the ladder to truly understanding the meaning of life.
That is, many humans between the ages of 13 and 19 have a hard time wrapping their minds around the idea that death is a certainty– the Tide Pod Challenge helps them on their way toward enlightenment, aka recognizing their own mortality, aka seeing the other side, aka realizing that life is one big joke and it ends when they eat a piece of plastic containing not just soap, but what could only be construed as a chemical lab-made poison. That “fresh rain” smell, that “tropical ocean” smell, that’s not natural, that’s all made up by scientists who get paid a lot of money to make soap that is probably more likely to cause cancer than prevent it.
“When clothes come out of the laundry with that fresh smell all humans seem to enjoy, well, I made up that fresh smell,” says, Corporate Chemist, Connelly Dickson, 42, “The truth of the matter, grocery-store laundry detergent would cause damage and/or potentially kill any breathing creature that consumes even a small quantity of it.”
One conspiracy theorist think otherwise.
“Maybe the younger generation just gets it, you know?” says guy who still lives in his mom’s basement, Josh McGosh, 37, “maybe there’s something in these pods. We don’t really know until we try. The government and the mainstream media could be working in cahoots trying to keep us from eating them when really they exist to change our lives.”
Upon hearing McGosh’s claims, “No. Nope. Eating laundry detergent will indeed kill a person,” Dickson concludes. “So, yes, it will change a person’s life, in that they will no longer have one.”
Yet, what is death anyway? No one really truly knows. Perhaps people of Generation Z understand more about it than anyone else. Perhaps the other side is better than this one. They are growing up in the Trump era after all; who could really blame them for wanting to take this sort of exploratory leap? Life, money, time, non-edible tide pods, it’s all just social constructs anyway.
To report exposure to laundry detergent pods, call the national poison hotline at 1-800-222-1222 so you can go back to living a meaningless no-enlightened poison-free existence. Or text POISON to 797979 to save the number on your phone and get to it later.
What The Evidence: Found Object String-on-a-Stick #6753
Date: December 2017 Location: 25th & Ogden, Denver, Colorado, USA, Earth Contents: Unknown
Alien Butt Violin Paraphernalia Found in Denver
A recent discovery reveals something not from planet Earth.
Found along the streets of Five Points, Denver, Colorado.
What appears to be an apparatus that from planet BoomBing home of the Buttchippa. A highly intelligent, superior species that prefer to “YOLO,” though they have a much more evolved terminology regarding that phrase that us mere humans would not comprehend.
According to planet BoomBing experts, the Buttchippa are typically 6 to 9 inches tall; half of the species is incredibly fat while the other half is absurdly thin, yet, unlike humans they are non-gender-binary. It’s entirely genetic whether one is super fat or super thin and no Buttchippa thinks one is more beautiful than the other, it’s a non-issue. The Buttchippa are sound-oriented. They survive, thrive, heal, kill, become aroused, and reproduce through the art of sound.
Researchers and scientists suggest that the shape, size, structure, and location of discovered artifact all point toward this particular species, though there are competing theories as to the purpose of said found item.
How did it get here?
Why did it get left behind?
Could the Buttchippa use it in their behinds?
Leading scientists have decided to call this object String-on-a-Stick #6753. There are currently three major theories as to what this unidentified alien object ‘String-on-a-Stick #6753’ is and what it does and If it does indeed belong to the Buttchippa.
Here Are The Three Major Theories of found object String-on-a-Stick #6753 In Minor Detail.
1. Generic Everyday Butt Violin
The Buttchippa are musical creatures. They enjoy a good rhythm, a good song. The way they tend to mate with one another is through what we would call classical butt rubbing, while they each sing the sounds of ooh-la-la. Sometimes the Buttchippa find typical butt rubbing to get rather dull. To spice things up, they’re known to add toys into their sex play. Some researchers believe that found object String-on-a-Stick #6753 is a Buttchippa butt violin.
The butt violin works exactly like it sounds, one Buttchippa glides the butt violin through the cheeks of another (or alone along their own butt cheeks if they’re solo-explorers) back and forth, in and out, up and down in order to create noises like the ooh-la-la but different, more like ee-ea-ouu.
Buttchippa also give birth through their anuses, so the generic everyday butt violin could be used as a device to help guide baby Buttchippas gently through the dark hole into bright light.
2. A Sound Instrument
Some experts believe that found object String-on-a-Stick #6753 was not created for literal sex acts, but is similar to a violin inasmuch as it is used like an instrument for the Buttchippa to play, sort of like humans do in bands, except better because they clearly understand sound more than Earthlings do.
3. A Weed-Whack-Snip-Trim-A-Kabob
The weeds on planet BoomBing are delicate, yet create a disharmony that the Buttchippa find unnerving. They’re known for their elaborate gardens because certain plants attract bee-like creatures called Buzzingas that make a sweet sweet song that put most Buttchippas in a trance-like escastic daze. The weeds attract Waspadoodles, tiny creatures that make noises that sound like a mixture between a yapping lap dog and a incredibly loud wasp (like one basically just buzzing right in your ear for hours at a time). The Buttchippa do not care for the Waspadoodles and thus they must eliminate what the Waspadoodles thrive on, the weeds. Hence why some scientists believe that found object String-on-a-Stick #6753 is some sort of weedwhacker, line trimmer thing. Because the weeds on planet BoomBing are so fragile, all it takes is a string and a strong arm and the Buttchippa can fix up their yards in seconds flat (unlike Earthlings whose middle-class species tends to their yards week after week to no avail).
Unwarranted opinion: Why can’t it be used for all three things?
Researchers are still investigating. What the Conspiracy will update once more information on found objec String-on-a-Stick #6753 (aka the tiny butt violin) is released.
Recent undercover agents have discovered that the popular dating app Tinder is actually not a dating app at all but a computer database designed to turn humans into digital-to-literal disposable commodities.
Sally Pitmon, 23, a poli-sci graduate student coming out of a major break-up decided to “go for it,” and downloaded the Tinder app three days go. In just the first day she had already 50 matches.
“I don’t know,” Pitmon said, “I probably have swiped left on over 200 potential matches. I’m beginning to feel like these people aren’t even people anymore.”
Bryan Bode, 26, CPA, whom Pitmon swiped left on, and who has been on and off Tinder for two years, said this:
“I basically don’t even feel like a person anymore. It’s like I’m a plastic water bottle. You get me? I quench someone’s thirst and then I get thrown away.”
The undercover agents had this to say about their findings:
The brilliance of the dating app Tinder is its ability to utilize the positives and negatives of our capitalist system. We’ve narrowed it to 4 main components.
Leverage people’s loneliness. Make them feel like a connection to something real is just one message away.
Design it so only superficialities can come through so no one gets attached or knows in advance they’re really wrong for the other person.
Make it into a fun game! What’s more fun than scrolling through your phone imagining different people who could be the one (or the one for the night!).
Create a sense of FOMO. Yes, a person could go out with another person who is funny, smart and hot, but make it feel like there is someone else out in the world who is funnier, smarter, hotter! The only way to truly know is to dismiss funny, smart, hot person (aka ghost them) and keep playing.
“That’s a bit extreme. I’m actually having a lot of fun!” Pitmon said after hearing the discoveries made by the undercover agents.
Bode, who happened to be in the same room as Pitmon and found out through one undercover agent’s slip of the tongue that Pitmon had indeed swiped left on him, rolled his eyes, “Says the new woman to Tinder. Just you wait.”
No comment on whether the tone of that “just you wait,” was menacing or not.
Needless to say, Bode will not be quenching Pitmon’s thirst.
Alabama, Aliens, Roy Moore, and Our Last Hope for Humanity
The recent senate race in Alabama between Republican Roy Moore and Democrat Doug Jones reveals that at least 48%* of the supposed human life forms in this state are actually not of human origin.
Theories have been discussed for decades regarding a possible alien invasion in the state of Alabama. Besides the nearly constant reports of UFO sightings in the area, theorists believe that due to the Alabamians love for greasy foodstuff, anal sex, and faux Christian-like behaviors, that a majority of the humans in the heart of Dixie have been infiltrated to completion–bodies, minds, and spirits– and taken over by creatures not of this Earth.
It’s believed that these life forms are Bambeedles from Ala-Ala Island on planet Grossconian–two galaxies away from Earth.
The Bamdeedles look like fat turkey-walrus hybrids but can shapeshift into human form easily due to their development of a substance called Bitterbutterbee, which is also used to cure one of the Bamdeedles most prominent diseases, a type of hemorrhoids that occur often due to their love of greasy foodstuff and their over-indulgence in anal sex. (They also have three anuses, but that is an irrelevant piece of information.)
The Bamdeedles are a male-dominated society; Earthlings would consider the Bamdeedles pedophiles as the males are known to begin sexual relations the females of their culture when they are as young as six.
It’s well known that the male Bamdeedles from Ala-Ala Island use and abuse the females as if they are property and not of the same equal status, even though the females are known to be of higher intelligence. The females have worked for centuries to overcome the power imbalance, but are often raped and/or murdered before being able to make any strides toward equality. All females are killed after the birth of their second offspring or by the time they reach 24–regardless.
Decades ago it was discovered that several intelligent Bamdeedles females were recruited by their male counterparts to invent a way to travel through space and time. One theory suggests that they made it as far as Earth, Alabama to be exact, where the males from Ala-Ala Island killed their fellow female space travelers and were then stuck on Earth because of their inability to figure out how to drive their ship back (or even how to turn the damn ship back on).
Of course, the Bamdeedles who were left on planet Earth, right in the state that is called Alabama, didn’t know what else to do, so they shapeshifted into human beings and started eating all the greasy foodstuff and having anal sex with pretty much any living creature they came in contact with.
It’s been decades since the invasion and theories suggest that at least half of the population of this state is actually of Bamdeedle origin and this is why voting for a politician like Roy Moore was actually an easy-peasy choice.
It could even be that Republican Roy Moore is a Bamdeedle himself, which would explain away the allegations of sexual misconduct, which to any sane human is completely and totally unacceptable, but to the Bamdeedles is just their way of life. It would also explain why he thinks his male superiority should allow him to have power over an entire state even though he doesn’t really know anything and even though he treats a large majority of the population of earth creatures with hatred and disdain.
There is one hope though, other conspiracy theorists think that Earth horses are actually equinoid aliens and that Sassy, the horse Roy Moore rode into town on in order to vote, will soon overtake his place in politics and work to restore order in the state of Alabama.
It is unclear how to stop the spread of Bamdeedles through the state of Alabama, and it’s true they may have already begun to infest other states in the region, but a small community of people have been discussing possible options for their destruction.
All we can do now is hope that Sassy and her herd of badass equinoids will come to our rescue and restore the humanity of Alabama–and of our dear planet Earth.